yuletide 2008

12:36am, australian standard time, 25 december 2008

after a noche buena feast of lobsters, pineapple chicken, macaroni salad and some cherries and grapes,



sending my warmest yuletide greetings to the cosmos. shout back at me.

(and happy 2nd month, lilly sweetheart.)

because a girl can dream...

i want ALL for christmas!!


i tenchu. bow.

the lei-test

i update.

real friends always find their way back to each other, despite years of separation. tin came over from sydney in spite of a promise i made to her a couple of years back that i will visit her first (which she pointedly mentioned in every chance she got, naturally). aangal-angal pa, eh namiss din naman ako. we had dinner in a seafood restaurant in st kilda one rainy summer evening. sa kakamadali, we got an infringement notice. who would think that there would be pay parking in a residential area? i guess tin, now we're even.

1 lei and tin in a flattering angle
2 ciggy and mrs ciggy with post-baby bellies (yes, both of us)
3 the aforementioned parking ticket

we spent one afternoon together in mornington after that dinner, and we came up with a business idea. hopefully no one procrastinates so we can set our venture into motion. i promise to start making that marketing plan. next year. lol. cut me a bit of slack, motherhood is a 24/7 job.

my daughter loves her, and it was a reciprocal relationship. they have something in common, they both wanted to hear 'beautiful' and their names used in the same sentence.

tin and lilly (bagay! i will find you your hot vampire in a silver volvo soon)

*****

lilly had her first visit to her physio last week. all went well. posting pictures for my mum's benefit.

*****

haven't done any christmas shopping yet. i put my hand over my mouth in disbelief too, just so you know. as i said, motherhood is a full-time job. besides, i work better under pressure. 23rd. that's my shopping day.

my christmas wishlist is ready though. but that deserves an altogether separate entry. just in case my husband misses the list stuck on the fridge door, i am certain he reads my blog. this way, he has no excuse. i noticed his list got a tad bit longer with items for winter. talk about planning ahead.

*****

and in the event that we fail to call/message/email you on christmas day, here goes our holiday greetings: from our family to yours, merry christmas!


be good. santa remembers.

*****

And the Grinch, with his Grinch-feet ice cold in the snow, stood puzzling and puzzling, how could it be so? It came without ribbons. It came without tags. It came without packages, boxes or bags. And he puzzled and puzzled 'till his puzzler was sore. Then the Grinch thought of something he hadn't before. What if Christmas, he thought, doesn't come from a store? What if Christmas, perhaps, means a little bit more?

Dr. Seuss

summer = christmas

it's summer!!!! really. proof, you say? here it is:

(peaches, nectarines, apricots, strawberries, cherries, raspberries and blueberries)

the warm weather heralds sale of these luscious summer fruits in the supermarkets. got these goodies at coles yesterday.

it takes a bit of getting used to, reconciling heat and sunshine with the christmas season. but yeah, it is almost christmas. i already made my wishlist. (it's on the fridge, i hope my husband reads this. lol.)

seriously though, i must've been a really good girl. santa brought my present two months early. and the best things come in small packages.

and finally, lilly

it was a monday when the doctors told me that i will probably have the baby within the week. i thought it was going to be on the weekend, just in time for mom's arrival from the philippines. i thought wrong.

they started on me on wednesday, which was, incidentally the last time i got to brush my teeth that week. i was wheeled into a birthing suite then the doctor inserted a tampon-like object to dilate the cervix. my body's ultimatum was twelve hours to achieve this.

thursday, they checked my progress. and i was 2cms dilated. great. step two was to manually break my waters. my doctor had a hook-like thing on her finger and she used that to literally pop baby's waterbag. this procedure is so cruel and gory i don't wanna elaborate. but soon as i felt the bag break (so this is how incontinence feels), the contractions began.

oh horrid horrid pain! i don't have the words to describe it. srsly.

three hours into the labour, i begged for an epidural. my midwife explained to me that normally women take steps in pain management, and an epidural was normally the last option. steps schmeps. i wanted that epidural. stat! 

had i known it was that scary, i probably would have had second thoughts about it. good thing i didn't see the needle they inserted in my spine.

i had a ctg monitor strapped on me (this is a machine that monitors baby's heartbeat, movements and the contractions) and minutes after the spinal tap, the contractions worsened, but the pain was gone. i drifted in and out of consciousness.

i was in labour for a total of eight hours, and baby's heartbeat began slowing down with the contractions. the doctors then decided to give me an emergency c-section. more drugs, more high blood pressure medication, more drips, more confusion. two levels down, the operating theatre was being prepared for me, seigfred and lilly. 

at twelve:forty-nine in the morning, lilly soleil dequito was born.  

she is 8 weeks early, tiny at 1440grams, long at 42cms. everybody was pleased with the operation. i didn't lose a lot of blood, and lilly's apgar scores were 9 (at 1 minute) and 9 (at 5 minutes). everything was fine. i only saw her for a few seconds though because they had to bring her to the special care nursery just to make sure that she is given the best care possible, they brought her near for me to give her a quick kiss while they were placing my innards back in and sewing me close. then the baby doctors asked seigfred to come with them to the nursery.

the last thing i remembered was a nurse talking to someone about preparing my room while i was in recovery. and i fell asleep.

the past months have been very gruelling, to say the least. i thought the previous night's ordeal was the climax. i was, again, wrong. i woke up seeing a paediatrician beside me, trying to rouse some consciousness in my hard-beaten, swollen, drugged, tattered body. 

"i'm sorry to tell you that your baby is very sick," were his first words. "she has developed respiratory distress syndrome and she needs some surfactant but we cannot administer it yet because her lungs are bleeding." i was numb, body and emotions. and i could only muster a very stereotypical response, "please do everything you can."

i wanted to rush to the nicu but i was unable to get up from bed because i was still chained to machines. and i was starting to become painfully aware of my wound. the anaesthesia was wearing off. seigfred was asleep on a mattress on the floor, and i asked him to see what was going on with lilly. he returned an hour later, and he broke down. it was my first time to see my husband cry like that. with the strength of character he has demonstrated all the years i have known him, it only took an hour with his daughter to break him. my heart broke as well, i was very scared, but i did not allow myself to fall. i had to give him back some of the strength he has given me, i owe him that. we were praying the whole day, and waiting. it was the longest and most painful wait of my life.

i was off the oxygen tubes and iv drips and whatnots the following day. my mom and cousin have arrived from the philippines and we were on our way to the nicu to see my little baby. and perhaps the hardest part for me was being unprepared to see my most valuable treasure like this, after seeing her healthy and screaming two nights before:

she was on a respirator and had an umbilical line, an iv drip, an oxyen saturation monitor and heartrate/respiratory rate/pulse rate monitor on her. she was also on antibiotics, as a preventive measure for potential infection, being born small and early. the broken pieces of my heart from yesterday's incident broke even more. i felt so helpless. but hopeful.

three days after, i was allowed my first cuddle, kangaroo care, skin to skin. it was a painfully beautiful experience. she still had all those tubes in her, but i was told it was good for her respiration, digestion and overall development. she was off the respirator a couple of days after but she still had a nasal-gastic tube in her nose for feeding. i was expressing breastmilk manually to give to her.

she was transferred to the special care nursery a week after birth, because my little fighter was doing so well. we were establishing breastfeeding during this time, and we were only waiting for her to gain reasonable weight and to attach well to mommy's breasts for her meals.

meanwhile, daddy is excited with the prospect of bringing her to our new home. 

 

after assembling lilly's pram

 

preparing lilly's cot

 

her first christmas tree

three magical days and two sleepless nights ago, we finally brought her home. yesterday a domiciliary nurse came in to check on her and she has gained a whopping 55grams on the two days since she was sent home. we can finally spend as much time with or little miracle as we want, and hold her till our arms ache. she's done well, our little lilly soleil, our sunshine, our princess, our early christmas gift.

daddy's precious cargo, in the hospital lobby before discharge

 

strapped to her car capsule, on her first car ride home

mama lyn and bulillyt

 

daddy's little girl

we love you, bubba.

Updates

Hey guys we are too busy right now so just drop by my blog for updates! :)

The latest on my pregnancy

“id rather that my placenta go to research than in a tub of face cream,” i said to joanne, a researcher at monash university, while signing the consent form. a weak stab at humour from a sick lady who just had a gruelling ordeal in two hospitals the previous night.
that was twenty-four days ago.

i have long since cleared my meagre shelf of the bouquets of flowers visitors have brought me. unlike me, they don’t have enough motivation to be steadfast and unwavering. after a brief display of colour and joy, they wilt and die. maybe that’s why not all flowers are mums. harhar. staying in hospital has turned my brain into the kind of bland mashed potato they keep feeding me day in and day out.

i shall narrate a story. of how i ended up almost chained to a mechanical bed, with bad tv and worse food, being a human pin cushion and drugged to the point of oblivion --- all of which are literally keeping me alive.

once upon a time, i fell in love. and following the natural course of things, got married, and fell pregnant. for the first time in my life, i followed everything by the book. soon as i found out that i was growing a baby, cell by cell, in my body. and for the first time in my life, i never had it this hard since day one.

during the first four months of pregnancy, i had very bad morning sickness to the point that i was unable to eat or drink anything. i got really acquainted with our bathroom sink, spending seven to ten times a day with my head buried down the drain. my specialist placed me on medication; phenergan suppositories stuck up my behind and maxolon to keep nausea at bay.
I started to enjoy food on the following month but towards the end of the fifth month, i had an ear, nose and throat infection. i lost my voice and couldn’t go to work; i was on medication again, alphamox, to which, i just found out, i was allergic, developing rashes all over my back. i recovered though, but not without sprouting another problem. my upper wisdom teeth started to become impacted and hurt really bad. at risk of developing a gum infection which can lead to further complications, my dentist recommended extraction, which cannot be performed because i couldn’t be xrayed. as a preventive cure for infection, i was put on antibiotics again. hello, rashes.

and on my seventh month, that fateful day, i got rushed to monash medical centre, a tertiary hospital. seigfred and i went shopping the whole day. we went to springvale for our usual Sunday market-ing and then to southland and rewarded ourselves with a nifty Nikon d90 and an asus m51va. went home, was really tired, but started tinkering with our new toys when i felt that i had to beg to be taken to the hospital.

next thing i know, i was strapped to a gurney, had an iv drip and another drug on my left arm and magnesium sulphate on my right, and was carted into an ambulance that took me from frankston hospital to monash medical centre at top notch speed, lights, sirens and all. kewl. if only i wasn’t feeling the slight tremors racking my body, and fearing for my baby’s life.
and now here i am, twenty-four days in. trying to be strong and resilient despite feeling bloated, crappy, achy and sluggish all day. still on medication: labetalol 200 mg four times a day, nifedipine] 30 slow release twice a day, novorapid six units pre-breakfast and two units pre-dinner and panadol 500mg as needed. my regimen consists of: 2-hourly blood pressure checks, daily blood tests (3 phials/test), twice weekly 12-hour urine collection, weekly growth scans for the baby, weekly placental fluid scan, daily CTGs and five times/day self-mutilation to check my blood sugar level. this is what keeps me busy.

but it’s not really as bad as it sounds. i have a good obstetrics team looking after me, and an endocrinologist comes in daily as well to keep track of my progress with my sugars. the nurses and midwives have been great, and ive made acquaintances as well. impossible though to harbour a real relationship with other patients, as they’re mostly transient. the neonatal team has also already spoken to me and we have been told that we were in the best hospital for my condition in melbourne.

what exactly is it im sick of? preeclampsia and gestational diabetes. my husband has diligently talked about it in his blog.

meanwhile, on the other side of town, the poor bloke does all the work. he makes the money, does the cooking, the laundry, the shopping, the taking care of me and endless hours of driving. home-work-hospital-home. mind you, we’re talking around 100kms of driving a day. we’re thankful though that this has happened; God has been really good to us.

we have been blessed with a little bundle of joy, still cooking in my belly; we have good jobs; a car; family and friends; much love and we’ve moved in to a new home! look:



.
in my previous entry, the doctors wanted us to go for 30 weeks. Tomorrow, we are turning 32 weeks. Thank you for all your prayers. Although my condition is progressing, we have come this far. The doctors are pleased and they are talking about probably delivering the baby in a matter of days. We are excited. And we are certain that even though the little diva is eight weeks early, she’s going to be okay.

.. faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.

Heb 11:1